A Fun Vacation Game; How to Spot an American?

Americans like to give travel a good go. With tighter work schedules plus insane hours per week ratio on workplaces, who is to blame? Hell If I am putting 45 hours per week work shift, vacations are not my leisure but my need to stay insane. And where would you find a lot of mentally weary and overly enthusiastic Americans in the world? of course, Europe! And this is the fun game my cousin taught me, she would look at a person and would tell if s/he is American or not. We checked a lot! It turned out that Americans are most comfortable to spot; this goes for every darned country and continent, not only Europe. No, this is not racist; why? Because we are not hurting anyone’s feelings, yeah a little bit generalization but not racism, no, it is not racist. Feel like punching me in the face? Well you will not be able to this is the beauty of the internet; you cannot do it. Okay, now let me explain to you how this thing works and how to be a pro in this game. FYI, Europeans play this game a lot too, so you better know some “tells” before you dive in the game. It will be a great ice breaker when you want to make a European friend.


They Will Always Have Sunglasses On


Americans and sunglasses are still a better love story than Twilight. They for no apparent reason love to wear sunglasses, even when the sun is not out, even in the nights, indoors or inside pubs even. When this may look stupid to you, but it is a very important tell of a typical American. A fun anecdote, my cousin fooled me into believing that all Americans have some sort of disorder related to their eyes, that is the reason why they always have goggles on all the time. Long story short, I told one of them, that I am very sorry for their infection and my brothers had to save me from a fistfight. Well, the only thing that was wrong-er than me asking an American about her eyes was that her parents were Chinese, and we were Bali, Indonesia. Those were some outraged people, I can tell you in that club. Back to the sunglasses, so yeah, that is pretty much it; they will have sunglasses on all the time.


Fanny Packs/Belts


You must remember the historical movie from fun and travel genre, Euro trip right? Well, then you must know what I am talking about. Including virgins, geeks, nerds, dorks, Americans are one more species, to wear fanny packs. It is a common practice in the whole of Europe when an American comes to buy a fanny pack; shopkeepers double their rates for the pack, knowing a US citizen must have it at all costs. Despite all the leg-pulling, they pull on themselves; these packs are very safe to carry papers and money around from those dark corners. You get to keep all the essential documents close to your body; you are least worried about pickpocketers, snatchers, and thieves. Also, you will not have to worry about any ladies lingering behind you, none will be around you, after seeing the pack. See, a very “handy” product.


Drinking Water Like Thirsty a Crow 


Now, this is one I learned when I took up a waiter job in Madrid; yes, I wasn’t wearing a fanny pack, and someone mugged me; it is quite ironic, I know. Well, you do not have to trust me. You can see any waiter around the world, and they will tell you that Americans do drink like they are thirsty for ages. And this is not the only crazy thing. See, when they are in restaurants, they need their glasses full all the time, yes, coffee is not the only thing they need constant refills. But, it is enough leg pulling for the moment, they are good tippers. Americans tip a lot, they tip like crazy, and they tip all the time, it is not like a once in a blue moon kind of happening. See, when you are in Europe, no one is liable for tipping slowly. Sometimes people do not even tip, so it is a healthy practice I would say. How is that refilling the water glasses, again and again, sounds now, huh? Not too much work, right?


Always Looking For Mexican Food


Donald Trump is crazy as hell we know, and the world knows by now, do not let him tell you that the Muchachas are our enemies. Mexicans love American Football, and Americans love tacos and quesadillas. In every country, you can spot at least a dozen American citizens looking for Mexican food joints. So, next time, when you see a person asking for a Mexican restaurant, s/he has to be an American. This is to say that Americans don’t have the will to prolong the craving for some of that extra spicy cheese burritos. It is that “I shall have you right now,” kind of thing.


Baggy Clothes 


Fashion is the first sense Americans lose whenever they touch their passports. The first phase of this paragraph applies to American men precisely; they will always be the first one to ditch the pants when it comes to vacation and to opt for baggy pajamas or something. The shit goes down when they start wearing them loose clothes in the parties and museums too. On the other hand when Europeans are entirely open-minded about clothing or nudism as we know, even they know how to suit up for ovations and dress code of various places. Throw in some PJs with snickers, or tennis shoes and a lot of sunscreens and I will give you an American.


The Gigantic Bags 


Do not let them fool you with whole, and size doesn’t matter bullshit. People from the land called America are crazy about big bags. They love to carry big bags around, and I am not talking about trekking bags, I am talking about gigantic suitcases. They are so amazingly big that you can fit a giant penguin in them, that would be weird though, but you get my point, don’t you? Of course, you do. What they have in the bags? It actually can have a lot of things, including curlers, straightening irons to a blind Indian, you have to take a guess every time. I have seen Europeans scandalized in awe when they see people carrying Big bags with them.


The Food They Order


Again, using my waiter instincts, I can assure you that this information is one hundred percent true. You can use this one all the time. Well, for the starters they will order french fries all the time, with everything and sometimes nothing else at all, just the fries, that’s an American thing. USA-ians love it big time. Coffee, and a lot of it, I do not believe that anyone else would drink that much coffee, in proportions that big. They drink a little too much; they love to do it. They have to do it when they are on vacation. Americans have earned themselves somewhat of a bad reputation in this business. Talking about bad reputations, we can say, they have made themselves somehow a name in walking with their food as well. In some countries, people see eating, whenever on whatever time a sacred thing. Some civilizations see it as God’s gift to them. Meanwhile, for the people ruled by Donald Trump, it is just something you can stuff your mouth and belly with. They eat it while on the move burgers, fries, doughnuts, hot dogs et cetera, everything on the move, just right there.


Loudest One in The Room


The saying goes, the loudest one in the room is usually the stupidest one in the room, it is not valid, sometimes it is an American tourist too. Common conception in Europe is that you will probably hear an American before you can see an American. Another popular belief in Europe is that the Americans have extra large and stronger vocal cords; that’s how they are so loud all the time. But on a serious note, not so cool people, you do not have to be so loud; sometimes it is very disrespectful. Well, the matter of fact is, sometimes they are thrown out of places due to the same reason. Be smart about your argument not loud that is what time has taught me.


Making a Scene Out of Nothing 


You see, things like keeping it down don’t apply to these people. Let me ask you, how often you have heard someone yelling in public, “I know my rights!” Yeah well, you know the person is an American when s/he creates a scene for almost everything in the world. Most of the Europeans and we can safely talk about the rest of the world too can curb their anger quickly. But, not the Americans, they do not do it. I have seen these people making a scene for having to pay for a pouch of ketchup, yes, the person went off like, “how the hell can you charge me for just ketchup? We let them pour as much as they want in our country, this is a crazy place, let me tell you.” When coughing up some cents should not be a problem for someone spending thousands of bucks on holiday, you cannot put this in an American skull. Wow, I am starting to sound a little racist myself. Let’s wrap this thing up soon.


They Will Call it Soccer (And Then Get Beaten by Football Hooligans)


Football is a religion in Europe, and for no apparent reason, you will see an American arguing that it is not Football but soccer. If you are an American and is reading this, do not EVER, argue with a European about Football, the rest of the world calls it Football, just so that you call it soccer doesn’t make it soccer. This conflict starts with the fact that there is a sport that the world knows as American Football, but all the people living there call, Football, these same set of people apparently call the original Football, soccer, hence the hatred. Well, this is just another why Americans think that they are better than Europeans. Think about it, when the whole town is going to watch a Sunday unique clash or as they call it El-Clasico between Real Madrid Vs. Futbol Club Barcelona, and some white socks wearing man asking about where they all are going? The shit gets real after the match when they try imitating and teasing a fan of the losing side.


Do You Know Any English?


This is a common mistake that usually Americans commit when they are on foreign lands. They won’t greet you, won’t wave at you but just look dead at you and mumble, “do you know any English?” Not only this is rude, but it is also very irritating for the people around the globe.


White Socks


And this applies to all the Americans roaming around the world, they all will wear white holiday socks, and that too for no apparent reason. The reason behind Americans wearing white holiday socks and sometimes with slippers and sandals also is unknown; chances are NASA might be running a lot of researches on this thing.


Over and Out 


Well, they are saying let’s make America great again, first thing in that direction will be cutting out on these above-written stereotypes. When we are free from this, we will be free from the burden of people judging us, wherever we go. Well, please excuse my forgetfulness, another “I am an American gimmick,” is that they are overconfident in everything. They can do the stupidest of the things with the greatest of the confidence; very American! So, if after reading this blog you are going to call me a racist, I am not, I am exercising my right to say whatever I want, the fourth amendment it is I guess?

Betty is a part time arts student and a full time Netfix Junkie. She travels along the east coast to set up art installations for her audience. She loves to play with colors and incorporates this theory in everything she does. Betty is often on the lookout for new TV series, movies and food trends in her free time.

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